popOmatic » Subway

Pissing Me Off Today

Jeff — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 13:28:00 +0000

the obese woman on the train this morning who didn’t think it would be necessary for her to move out of the doorway when the train stopped at 34th street to let half the passengers off the car. I wonder what would have happened if I shouted out loud what I was thinking in my head – “Move it fat ass”!

my morning coffee-cart guy who is MIA today. Not only does he sell the best coffee in this neighborhood but he is conveniently located directly outside my building entrance. This weak garbage that I was forced to go out of my way for is no substitute.

the mindless PR tool whose idiotic emails I have to take time to respond to.

It’s really turning out to be one hell of a morning!

Shocking!

Jeff — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:21:00 +0000

I never thought in a million years that I would say or type the following words but, I think the MTA has a great idea with these street compasses on the sidewalks outside of subway entrances.

Back in the old days, whenever I exited an unfamiliar subway stop, I would look for the Twin Towers in the distance to orient myself. Now, I sometimes wander an entire block in the wrong direction before realizing what has happened.

I’m sure the MTA will find a way to screw up this great idea (like making the decals too small for more than 2 or 3 people to view at once, thereby causing more congestion at the tops of the subway stairs as confused idiots form a crowd to see what everyone else is looking at) but I’m going to just hope it all works out.

Tomorrow, Leprachons at the Met

Jeff — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:02:00 +0000

I’m not sure if you can clearly read the type on this subway car advertisement. It reads, “MYTHIC CREATURES, Unicorns, Dragons, and Mermaids. The Museum of Natural History”.

Does anyone else think this is an odd exhibit for a museum of Natural History?

Genteel Geoff Says

Jeff — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 12:53:00 +0000

Modern life is fraught with social dilemmas and quandaries. Today we are faced with more vexing questions than simply when is it appropriate to wear white and what fork do I eat my salad with. To help you navigate politely through life’s perplexing problems, we have enlisted the help of mannerly polite-ician, Genteel Geoff, to answer your questions. If you have a question for Genteel Geoff, email him at GenteelGeoffSays@gmail.com

Dear Genteel Geoff,

I was eating my pizza at the top of the subway stairs the other day around 5:00 and these people kept giving me dirty looks when they tried to get past me. What should I have responded to these rude assholes?

Thanks,
Peggy Isabel Grant

Dear PIG,

Only the homeless and pigeons should be eating on our city’s sidewalks. New York City is host to many of the finest brasseries on the planet and they all provide beautiful surroundings and relaxing accommodations designed to complement the carte du jour. My assistant informs me of the existence of pizza parlors where the diners order at a counter and take their food back to a table on their own. If they exist near my Park Avenue home they are well hidden as I have never spotted one, however, I imagine they might be a bit of a lark when one chooses to “slum it”. Regardless of why one would choose to dine in such a place, what should be pointed out is the presence of tables where you should have eaten your pizza. If the parlor was crowded, you should have asked your companion to announce your arrival to the Maitre d’ before purchasing your super.

Why you would choose to eat your supper while standing on a sidewalk is beyond me, however, if this decision was reached out of necessity, why would you choose the top of a busy stairwell to root your rotund rump? Perhaps, due to lack of grace and manners, you simply choose to ignore the fundamentals of an entry way. Let me explain how these areas operate; people enter and exit through them as they go about their business. Sounds simple does it not, PIG? When an obstacle, such as yourself, blocks an entry way, the entire system, which for a New York City subway entrance can quickly add up to hundreds of people, is forced to reroute and faced with unnecessary delays and inconveniences.

In the future, PIG, if you must enjoy your culinary delights on a public thoroughfare, please have the common decency to stand clear of any doorways, stairwells, or entryways. You will be spared from having to deal with unwanted looks and the general public going about their business won’t be subjected to the unavoidable scene of you masticating your meal.

Remember, manners are the glue that hold society together.
Genteel Geoff

iNot So Sure

Jeff — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:15:00 +0000

I finally had a chance to check out the iPhone in person. This guy standing next to me on the subway had one and was definitely enjoying showing it off. Fortunately, his obnoxious display gave me the chance to get a close look and my biggest fear for the iPhone was confirmed – finger smudges!

I hate finger smudges on anything shiny. From stainless steel kitchen appliances to windows to LCD screens, smudges drive me crazy! Now, I’m having second thoughts about the iPhone, which is a virtual smudge magnet. If Apple hasn’t addresses the smudge bug by the time version 2.0 comes out, which is the earliest I would even consider buying one, I’ll have to really go to work developing a genius solution.

Apparently, I’m not the only fuss-bucket who thinks smudges are evil. Somebody else actually created something to illustrate their insanity. Enjoy!

Genteel Geoff Says

Jeff — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:59:00 +0000

Dear Genteel Geoff,

Yesterday on my way home from work, I was going in the subway at the 42nd street Bryan Park stop. I stopped in the turnstile as I always do and propped my bag up on the shelf to my left to find my metrocard. Out of nowheres some person comes up and axes me to move my bag so they can get threw the turnstile on my left. It was a good thing for that mofo that it took me another 10 minutes to find my card cause I was gonna catch him and beat his ass.

Whats up with that?
Anita Sue-Simmons

Dear ASS,

Allow me to begin by saying that I am familiar with the Bryan”T” Park subway station. This particular station possesses such an abundance of underground space adjacent to the turnstiles, that you will find the MTA “ticket booth, a florist with a wonderful selection of cut flowers and small plants, and a full newsstand stocked with daily periodicals and monthly magazines. Might I suggest that in the future, today for example, you take advantage of the spaciousness of this station and stand clear of the turnstiles as you dig through your rudely over-sized bag in search of your Metrocard. You see, ASS, by standing in one turnstile and propping your bag on the card scanner of another, you are blocking two of the four turnstiles that are actually in working order.

This may come as a shock to you, but you are not the only person in New York City. I imagine you also choose to stand on the subway station steps to finish phone calls or cigarettes and probably stop at the immediate top of an escalator to gather your bearings. If you were to take your head out of your bag, ASS, you might notice the millions of other New Yorkers around you, who also just want to go home or do a little shopping. If everyone of those New Yorkers were as oblivious to each other as you, none of us would ever get anywhere.

So try being a little more aware of those around you and remember, ASS, that manners are the glue that hold society together.

Sincerely,
Genteel Geoff

We Interupt Your Regularly Schedule Post With The Following

Jeff — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 12:04:00 +0000

I usually like to have my first weekday post up by 10am. There are of course, occasions when that doesn’t happen. I may be too hungover to turn on my computer and choose to stare at the suithing blank screen for a while, perhaps I’ve overslept and just didn’t make it to work earlier enough to meet my self-imposed deadline, or its highly possible that I’m stuck indside a train on the Manhattan bridge as it waits for the train ahead of this one, which is sitting at the Canal street station while the EMTs medivac the “sick” (ie, diet-crazed woman who fainted because she hasn’t eaten in four days) pasenger to safety. Then their are those days where work rears its ugly head and someone expects me to actually do something before 11am, which is the time I normally feel up to the challenges of duty.

If you are reading this message right now, that can only mean that I am having one of the above scenarios acted out upon my morning. I’ll let you decide which one is the case and feel free to let me know which scenario you think I am experiencing in the comments section. In any event, I promise to atone for my tardiness with a worthwhile posting soon. Until then, I hope your morning is going as regularly scheduled.

PS. Please note, I didn’t have time to spell chack this. Can you spot the mispelled words?

Please Stay in Manhattan

Jeff — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 13:41:00 +0000

I lived in a cramped, moldy apartment in Manhattan for years. It was the only New York City I knew and where I intended to stay. Aside from a few drunken expeditions to Brooklyn, I knew nothing of this borough over the bridge. Unfortunately, like most New Yorkers who aren’t wealthy Europeans, trust-fund kids, or living in the same apartment their grandmother grew up in, the lure of less rent and much more space eventually called to me and I packed up and crossed over the bridge to Brooklyn.

From the first day of my new New York City (Brooklyn is still part of NYC) life to today I’ve been saying I can’t believe I didn’t make that move sooner. As both my job and social life have remained in Manhattan, Brooklyn has become the peaceful escape, fortress of solitude, and calgon-filed bathtub that takes me away from the insanity of the city.

But now I’m finding more of my social life is moving to Brooklyn also. I have more friends in Brooklyn than Manhattan and I don’t mean new friends that I’ve made here but established friends that happen to be living here. Unfortunately, they don’t all live in Park Slope like I do. I’ve got Kitty here in my hood, which is great because we both love video games and the same pub, and one other friend farther up the road but everyone else is scattered across neighborhoods from Williamsburg to Cobble Hill. And this is where I’ve discovered the problem with Brooklyn – traveling within Brooklyn is a pain in the ass.

Getting a cab in Brooklyn is iffy so if I want to go to Williamsburg, I have to take the train into Manhattan and switch at Union Square. Sure I can walk to Cobble Hill but the 45 minute walk takes me through some 70′s style projects and you never know which road may suddenly end at a canal. Last night, when traveling home via the F train from Monkey Daemon’s pad in Boerum Hill, I made the mistake of getting on the wrong train and have no idea where I ended up but knew, judging from the subway station that I did not want to go to the street.

So for my own convenience, I implore my few remaining friends in Manhattan to stay there! Its so much easier traveling to and from Manhattan then it is around Brooklyn so just stay put. I’ll come to you.

Museum For The Masses

Jeff — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 18:05:00 +0000

One of the few. Scratch that. One of the only joys of waiting for a subway train is looking at clever advertisement graffiti. I love seeing a perfectly beautiful, air-brushed picture of a model with a good old Sharpe mustache and eye-patch make-over. And that’s why I love these printable cold sores. How funny are they?!
Click here to download some for your station.