Rather than drilling and destroying the planet, why not get the green ball rolling by upgrading all the government buildings in DC with solar panels? Use some of this leftover stimulus money to allow local state buildings to do the same. If our federal and state governments started adding solar panels to buildings, they would create jobs in a green-energy industry, reduce our need on foreign oil, reduce the amount of coal we need to burn, and create demand for solar panels that would begin to drive down the price of the panels and eventually lead to average Americans being able to afford to add panels to their homes. Just look at the history of flat-screen TVs. They were way too expensive for most of us to afford at first and now, you can get one for every room of your house without breaking the bank.

So please hold my calls while I go over a few things with The President.

President Obama, thanks for coming in for this evaluation. When you  accepted the position last year you were quick to try to bring expectations down from their campaign highs. You used your inaugural address to illustrate just how bleak the country’s situation was and asked for our help and patience in rebuilding the country and you looked great while doing it.

Today I’d like to talk to you about two of the biggest issues facing the country when we hired you last year and how you have dealt with those issues.

Number one is the economy. Like most people, I had to scratch my head at that whole bailout stimulus package thingy. However, I’ve never considered myself an economics enthusiasts and I believed you when you told us you had to do something to keep the country from completely falling apart. I think we all need to remember that George Bush upper-decked the country on his way out of the White House and you, President Obama have had to spend most of your time trying to clean up that mess. Speaking of which, did you ever find Bush’s duke? I think you deserve a great deal of credit for steering the country onto it’s current slow march to recovery. Stocks are up, consumer expectations are on the rise, the housing market appears to be stabilizing. We’re gonna need you to do something about the unemployment rate but overall, when it comes to the economy, I’m giving you a gold star.

Next, the war in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, I’m a bit disappointed with how you are handling this mess and there is a lot of room for improvement here. There is no such thing as success in Afghanistan. No matter what we think we may be accomplishing now, all we are doing is breeding the next generation of radicals with a buggery penchant for hating Americans. And I think they are justified in that hatred because they have had to watch their loved ones become collateral damage in a war that can not be won. If the people of Afghanistan are complacent enough to allow a political group like the Taliban to rule them, then what business do we have stepping in to change that. I hated the Bush regime and everything they did but I never wanted another country dropping it’s army on us to run those bastards out of town. So President Obama, when it comes to your handling of Afghanistan, I have to say there is a lot of room for improvement here and I’m giving you a frowny face.

Here is the good news, I understand that one year is barely enough time to unpack and get settled so I’ll continue to give you my support and patience. However, you are on thin ice and I’m going to need to see something tangible come out of your second year. How about doing something for all the gay Americans that voted for you or chasing those lobbyist out of the capital like you mentioned and what about all that talk about ending our foreign oil dependency?

Ok, that’s it for now. Get back to work!

This week, the ridiculous and pointless negative coverage/condemnation of President Obama for ordering Dijon Mustard.

and, I'll have an order of FRENCH Fries!

Are you fucking kidding me?! Are there really people in this country that think the president’s selection of mustard is relevant? Do they really believe that by choosing Dijon rather that yellow that he has proved their argument that he is un-American?

Speaking of tired, for everyone worried about Senator Ted Kennedy (who was taken from the Inaugural lunch to the hospital in an ambulance yesterday) I heard he has been released and is expected back to work soon. 

In watching recaps of the days events at the Capital building and a special History channel tour of the White House, I may have found a solution to our current economic woes. Just melt down all the gold in these two buildings and use it to pay off our National debt. The money the country can save by not having to make those monthly payments can then be used to hire out-of-work Americans to repair our crumbling bridges and roads, convert all federal and state buildings to solar, wind, and geothermal power and give every American a little extra something to pad their pockets with. 

I think Nipsey Russell said it best in 1974 when he said, “To slow down this recession and make our economy thrive, give us our social security now and we’ll go to work when we’re 65.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you already know that our new President, Barack Obama, takes over today. If you didn’t know that please tell me what drugs you are on and where can I get some. 

It’s never been any secret that I was strongly opposed to George Bush and everything he represents (aside from the college party days). From the moment his friends on The Supreme Court placed him in office, despite what the people wanted, he has been the worst thing to happen to this country in modern times. But all that is behind us now, except for the huge mess he leaves for President Obama, and I’m ready to have a president in office that I can believe in and support.

So President Obama, get to work!

Rather than trying to put into words how excited I am about Barack Obama being elected as our next President, I’m going to do something I have never done before and that’s to say something nice about McCain. If he conducted his campaign with the same dignity, honesty and integrity that he displayed during his concession speech, the outcome of this election might have been a lot different. That’s also assuming he selected anyone other than Palin as his running mate.

McCain’s supporters, on the other hand, I have nothing nice to say to you. When McCain mentioned Obama’s name in last night’s speech, they booed and jeered as usual. At least they held back the death threats. On the other hand, at Obama’s acceptance speech, when Barack mentioned McCain’s name the audience cheered and applauded.

Yesterday’s election process was filled with glitches and errors at the polls across the country. We all heard the stories about touch-screen snafus and soggy paper ballots jamming machines. I’m not sure what you have been doing for the past eight years, when your system broke down and allowed Bush to enter office illegally but get it together election committee! You have four years to come up with a system that works!

Now for the really important question, how long until I’m playing video games that use CNN’s hologram machine?

Please consider the following before you doom the world to another major setback for common sense and open-mindedness. George Bush (the current one, not George I) will go down in history as one of, if not the, worst president in this nation’s history. So fess up, admit it. You made a mistake by voting for him. 

Maybe you’ve heard of a little saying that two wrongs do not make a right, which is always true unless you are talking about making two wrong turns in a car that happened to also be right turns. But I’m not talking about driving directions here. I’m talking about the election next month and a vote for McCain is going to be your second wrong.

How about this, vote for the other guy. Give Obama a chance. If you don’t like the way he does the job, I’m sure the republican party will have someone even wronger for you to vote for in 2012.