popOmatic

Many Americans view St Patrick’s Day (March 17) as an excuse to get drunk. And they are right. However, us Americans of Irish descent don’t need a calander to say when we can get drunk and true Irish-Americans will tell you that today is for amateurs, frat boys and sorority girls. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m already drunk not judging those people, I’m just giving you a view behind the shamrock.

For everyone who feels they need a special day to get drunk, I’ve developed the following list of the top five drinking holidays.

#5. New Year’s Day (January 1) - Your already getting drunk the night before so take an economical approach to the first day of the year by getting re-drunk. It’s easy. Just drink waaaay too much at your New Year’s Eve party then as soon as you wake up and before you have a chance to fully sober up, have a drink! This will prevent that nasty New Year’s day hangover from ever happening and allow you to get drunk on the cheap.

#4. April Fool’s Day (April 1) – This is the best day to be drunk at work or school because you can just follow every stupid thing you do with the words “April Fool’s day”!

#3. Armed Forces Day (May 16) – Raise a glass and toast the brave members of all four branches (sorry Coast Guard) of our armed forces. Bonus! This year Armed Forces Day falls on a Saturday so why not make it your new unofficial Summer kick-off.

#2. St. John the Baptist Day (June 24) - Little know bible fact, until he found Jesus (literally) and then lost his head, St. John loved to party. You’ve probably heard the stories of his lake-party/baptisms? Well let me tell you something, those lakeside gatherings make Lake Havasu look like Sunday school.

Partying is a religious experience at Lake Havasu

#1. Purim (The 14th day of Adar) – Purim is the Mardi-Gras of the Jewish religion and a celebration of revearsals. The French called it Topsy Turvey day and You Can’t Do That On Television called it “Opposites”. Call it what you want just don’t fogrt to call your beer distributor in advance because keg sales are through the roof the week leading up to Purim.

So there you have it. You can pick one of these days, one of the more conventional holidays or my favorite – Saturday. Just go get drunk! And remember, lets do it to them before they do it to us.